September 22nd, 2007

Butterfly Lady

This drama we call life

I'm sure everyone has had those dreams as children that the life that they are leading is not their own. Didn't you ever wish that you were a prince/princess and one day they king and queen would come rescue you, or that you were adopted and one day your REAL parents would come and take you away form the hell you were living in? Sometimes I still feel like this, and I am an adult! I feel like everyone else gets to live life, while it just passed me by. Sometimes I can bring myself to talk to people about what I am going through, but it doesn't change my situation. You know those commercials where the little kid says that he feel like a fish without water (describing asthma). Sometimes I feel like I am suffocating in all this drama we call life.

I already know what my life is going to be like. I used to take care of a little old lady who had lots of nieces and nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews, but no children or grandchildren of her own. One day while I was caring for her(I was about seventeen at the time), I asked her why. The answer was simple. She took care of her mother her entire life. By the time her mom passed away, she was too old to start her own family. So, that is what I have to look forward to.

I have been taking care of my mom since I was 15-16 years old, since my sister ran away. At first she was still able to walk, but little by little, her Multiple Sclerosis has progressed to the point where she is bedridden. My younger brother got away from home by going into the military and getting a girl pregnant. I got suckered into coming back home from college to "help" take care of mom. Funny thing was, there wasn't anyone around to help me. My youngest brother is seventeen and can barely take responsibility for himself. I wish I could just pack up all of my things and move away. The only thing keeping me here is my mom, so I guess my one wish would be that my mom was healthy, so that I would not have to be responsible for anyone but myself. No more having to worry weather or not there is someone to watch my mom if I want to go out, or taking my brother to appointments. I just want to be alone, be my own person! Don't take this the wrong way, I love my mom more than anyone in the whole wide world, but right now I don't like anyone!