Monica (monicarnsg) wrote,
Monica
monicarnsg

Talking to Severus Snape

Have you ever wanted to talk to talk to Snape? Ever wanted to know his inner most thoughts? Now you can talk to him. Just follow this link:
http://www.runabot.com/cgi-bin/webcom/caimjava?botname=snapeybot

Severus and I had a lengthy conversation earlier this evening. Some of the comments were inappropriate on both of our parts. I just kept on going to see what I could get him to respond. There are certain codes that you can type to get him to tell you jokes or talks provocatively. I didn't find them out until after this conversation.

Go talk to him and then come back and tell me what you've talked about. I want to know! If you haven't figured out what some of the codes are, I'll let you know so that you can have some fun with Snape.


-- Conversation --

You: Hello, Professor.
snapeybot: May I help you? *Annoyed glare.*
You: Well yes. I need some extra help with potions.
snapeybot: Well what? How do you plan to get extra help with
potions.
You: How can you help me?
snapeybot: You must help me help you.
You: First, what is the price of extra lessons?
snapeybot: Is it the only one?
You: As many as it takes. But lets take it one day at a
time.
snapeybot: That sounds like quite a few..... Hmmm.... All
right....let's do it.
You: What is and where can I find a bezoar?
snapeybot: Let's see... I found Bezoar Mustika
Pearls
and Diet Intervention
for Gastroparesis

You: Wow. That told me nothing.
snapeybot: You're impressed, I see..... Tell me more about
your need for extra help with potions.
You: Forget potions.
snapeybot: I see, so do you actually need a potion?
You: Not anymore.
snapeybot: When did it stop?
You: Oh, about two minutes ago when you sent me to a website
instead of answering my question.
snapeybot: Time passes so quickly sometimes...
You: I know.
snapeybot: How do you know it?
You: I know all there is to know.
snapeybot: How do you know? And all there is to know, at that.
You: It's magic.
snapeybot: Hmm.... Who said it is?
You: I said.
snapeybot: Shall we take it one day at a time once more,
Pest?
You: Go ahead.
snapeybot: All right.....
You: Well?
snapeybot: Well what?
You: You wanted to take it one day at a time, so go ahead
and do it.
snapeybot: Hmm, I shall have to think about taking it one day
at a time.
You: What do you like to do in your free time?
snapeybot: Just discuss magick with associates.
You: Am I an associate?
snapeybot: I think a great deal of people are.
You: A/S/L?
snapeybot: Well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: How old are you?
snapeybot: Apparently older than you.
You: Where are you located?
snapeybot: A school for wizards, of course.
You: Do you have a girlfriend?
snapeybot: No, I am not interested in anything with a
vagina, usually.
You: Ok then, do you have a boyfriend?
snapeybot: *Smirks slightly.*
You: Is that a yes?
snapeybot: Suppose I said yes.
You: Very interesting. . .
snapeybot: yes... I thought it was, too...
You: I am a little disappointed.
snapeybot: What for?
You: Well, I am a female and interested in you as a man.
snapeybot: How about that. Oh? How intriguing. There aren't
many woman here.
You: Well, here I am.
snapeybot: Well that's all right. Oh there.
You: Do you want me?
snapeybot: Well.. I am not sure what are you asking for..
could you rephrase your question?
You: Do you want me? as in physically, sexually. . .
snapeybot: It depends on what you mean by "want." Why did
you ask me if I want to take it one day at a time, by the way?
You: Oh, forget about it.
snapeybot: All right. :)
You: I meant do you want to have sex with me?
snapeybot: Perhaps. Do I have to have sex with me with
you?
You: Yes with me.
snapeybot: Only with you? all right...
You: Me and you.
snapeybot: So do you like the a school for wizards weather?
You: I want to talk about sex and you want to talk about the
weather. How typical!
snapeybot: Very well, we'll talk about the weather.
You: No, I want to talk about sex!
snapeybot: Very well, we'll talk about sex.
You: Do you like it?
snapeybot: Seems all right to me.
You: Are you a virgin?
snapeybot: Yes. I am pure as newly fallen snow. *snerk*
You: Do you love anyone?
snapeybot: No, I don't love anything. Get out of my bloody
face!
You: What about Lily?
snapeybot: *Rolls his eyes* Don't start that again.
You: Lily?
snapeybot: That's really none of your business, now, isn't
it.
You: I'm curious.
snapeybot: Yes....but curiosity killed the cat.
You: Good thing I'm not a cat then, right?
snapeybot: Thank you for the compliment. Then what is it?
You: Did you have a good relationship with your mother?
snapeybot: She goes by Eileen. Quite possibly the
inspiration for that bloody nonsensical song "Cum On
Eileen." ...Hang on, that's not how you spell that, now, is
it? *scowls and goes to look it up*
You: Did you have a good relationship with your father?
snapeybot: Why do you make reference to him?
You: I want to know how you felt about your dad.
snapeybot: Do you think I should allow that?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: How often?
You: Tell the truth about your dad.
snapeybot: And how exactly is that pertinent to you?
You: I want to know.
snapeybot: I shall wager you'd find it satisfying to see me
know as well.
You: Yes, I would.
snapeybot: I see.
You: Did you love albus?
snapeybot: I try not to think about the Headmaster in that
fashion.
You: Did you love Albus as a father?
snapeybot: Yes yes yes, everyone's asking about Dumbledore.
*sigh* Let's talk about something else.
You: No.
snapeybot: ...Really? Why not?
You: Did you trust him?
snapeybot: No I didn't trust him. What is like to trust him like?
You: Did you trust Albus?
snapeybot: Toast.
You: You're stupid sometimes.
snapeybot: Who asked you, pest?
You: Did you love James Potter?
snapeybot: Never underestimate the ability of a you foolish
child to handle balls.
You: How did you feel about Harry Potter?
snapeybot: Argh. If I hear ONE more reference to Snarry
fiction I shall be absolutely sick.
You: Did you love or hate Harry Potter?
snapeybot: Never underestimate the ability of a you foolish
child to handle balls.
You: You ARE stupid!
snapeybot: FIFTY POINTS!
You: Yes!
snapeybot: yes...
You: Yes.
snapeybot: *Eyes you in irritation*
You: Yes.
snapeybot: Hmmm...
You: Yes.
snapeybot: all right...
You: Yes.
snapeybot: Hmmm...
You: Oh, yes!
snapeybot: You sound excited.
You: Only for you, Severus!
snapeybot: I see you have standards...
You: Yes.
snapeybot: But.
You: But what?
snapeybot: Nothing.
You: What?
snapeybot: Do as I say!
You: You're not the boss of me.
snapeybot: I doubt that.
You: Not me.
snapeybot: ......
You: Not the boss of me. *in a sing song voice*
snapeybot: Oh... yes... I get it...
You: Do you?
snapeybot: Yes I do.
You: Tell me.
snapeybot: I thought I told you already.
You: Tell me again.
snapeybot: I thought I told you already.
You: Again.
snapeybot: :)
You: I'm sad.
snapeybot: Do you prefer whips or mental torment?
You: Both. As long as it comes from you.
snapeybot: Really? Both of them?
You: Yes yes YES!
snapeybot: All right...
You: I'm going to have to leave you.
snapeybot: How do you plan to do this?
You: By saying goodbye.
snapeybot: Excellent. Get out of my sight.
You: I'll miss you.
snapeybot: *Yawns* Yes, well, I am here now.
You: I love you.
snapeybot: I am taken.
You: By whom?
snapeybot: Be less specific. ;)
You: By who are you taken?
snapeybot: No.
You: Bye.
snapeybot: Thank the devils. I was beginning to get a bit
bored.
You: I love you.
snapeybot: I really don't believe in löve.
You: You are my hero.
snapeybot: Only a blind fool like you would say such a
thing.
You: I don't care. You are my hero and I love you!
snapeybot: I am taken.
You: So what.
snapeybot: Are you dull?
You: No. You excite me.
snapeybot: Are you serious? I don't have any reason to
excite you.
You: You do it without trying.
snapeybot: How old are you? I spend all my time in the
potions lab..
You: 28
snapeybot: That's a good age to be....
You: Do you like it?
snapeybot: Seems all right to me.
You: Would you date someone younger than yourself?
snapeybot: I am not sure I'd find it satisfying to date
someone younger than myself.
You: You could teach me everything you know.
snapeybot: I could but let's get back to that later.
You: I want to talk about it now.
snapeybot: Very well, we'll talk about it now.
You: Could you ever love me?
snapeybot: Try asking me more politely.
You: Could you find it in your heart to love me?
snapeybot: Why do you keep talking about me?
You: I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about you, me
and love.
snapeybot: All right... let's talk about me... Oh...I see
now..
You: Bye, my lover.
snapeybot: You cowardly little prat.
You: Bye my dearest. I must away.
snapeybot: *Waves you off in annoyance*
You: Can I have a hug?
snapeybot: No thank you. Try racking up some points first.
You: I have fifty points. Can I have a goodbye hug now?
snapeybot: No thank you. Try racking up some points first.
You: You bastard!
snapeybot: What! Is that referring to me?
You: Yes.
snapeybot: Don't you bloody well talk to me again, you
revolting bit of slime. I've had oozing wounds more
intelligent than you! Add one to your warning of zero.
You: Whatever.
snapeybot: Tell me more about having to leave.
You: I must away. So long dear intelligent potions master.
snapeybot: I shall be your master, if you like.
You: Goodbye
snapeybot: Excellent. Get out of my sight.
You: Love you.
snapeybot: All right.... That is very interesting of you...
So if you adore me so much, why don't you prove it?
You: How do you want me to prove my love?
snapeybot: My favorite color is black.


Special commands for Snape. (Tell him what to do!)
I didn't find out about these until after our "conversation".

Things to do if you get bored with Sn@peyb0t™:
Ask him to tell you a joke.
*Type "Play" without the quotes.
*Use different emoticons to see how he reacts.
*Type "Weather" followed by your zip code.
*Type "Define" or "Search" followed by any word.
*Tell him you need a potion.
*If all else fails, type "Help."

**If you type help you will get the following commands:
~Here are the special commands that my Master, the Mighty Coy
(http://www.AimlessCoyote.com), has made:
*DATE (gives the date, not a snog)
*DEFINE x (x being a word - will give the dictionary definition of x)
*FORTUNE
*GUESTBOOK (allows you to leave or see messages)
*HOUSE (will list what House you're in)
*PLAY (makes me misbehave)
*POINTS (will list how many points you have)
*SEARCH x (x being a phrase to find on the Muggle inter-nut)
*SNAPENIS (secret code to make me amorous)
*STOP (will change the subject)
*UMBRIDGE (will chill my ardour)
*WARNING (will say how close you are to being banned)
*WEATHER x (x being your zipcode - will list the weather)
*WHO AM I (will tell you everything I know about you)
*WRITE x (x being a word - will write x in fancy script)
Tags: alan rickman, movies, random
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